7 Women Reveal the Reasons Why They Cheated
When it comes to cheating, it seems that men often get the bad rap. While there may be a fair amount of male philanderers out there, it’s entirely unfair to say the burden falls on them exclusively. Women can be just as guilty. Our s*xual urges are just as strong. Women cheat just as much as guys.
“It’s important to note that both empirical research and my own clinical experience in my practice display instances in which women seem to be cheating more and more,” says counselor Ashley Grinonneau-Denton, M.A., LPCC-S, IMFT, CST. “More women are in the workplace, which has created a dynamic shift in which women may feel more empowered, and also may have different expectations for their intimate relationships.” When partners don’t talk about this tension or lapse in expectations, it can lead to unhappiness and one or both partners seeking outwardly.
“If women are not feeling emotionally supported, admired, or that they can have fun with their partner, that there is an absence of excitement in the relationship, or that the partnership is not prioritized, then this can lead to affairs,” says Grinonneau-Denton.
According to Grinonneau-Denton, women look for something they are not getting emotionally. Women also tend to be drawn in more frequently by a partner who is seen as smarter, stronger, more protective, more available, higher educated, and more understanding than their committed partner. “With women, there is much more of an emotional lead up, typically, to having both emotional and s*xual affairs. They are also more likely to be cognizant of what they are doing.”
Before you write off the fairer s*x as the enemy, it should also be noted that Grinonneau-Denton has seen a pattern of women being much more forgiving when men cheat. (Men, on the other hand, have a harder time getting past the betrayal once another man-hood is thrown into the mix.) As for why, specifically, some women stray, we asked seven women who have cheated to share their tales.
it was just the excitement
“It was just the excitement. I had been with my boyfriend for seven years, and he was only my second s*xual partner. We had talked about maybe experimenting more together, but we weren’t on the same page. Also, weirdly, I was uncomfortable to experiment with him. When I cheated on him with someone from work, who I knew he would never meet, it was exciting. I felt sexy again. I was touched in a different way than I had known for so long. It only happened once, but it felt unreal. It did boost my s*x life with my boyfriend. I felt confident again, willing to try new things with him. He never knew. Why should I tell him? It would hurt him too much. We split up three years later, but for different reasons.” — Susan, 31
how could i say no
“I broke up with my first real boyfriend of four years and immediately fell into another relationship. It was a total rebound that never should have happened, and I stayed for a full year longer than I should. I was incredibly unhappy in the relationship, but picked it because it felt ‘safe.’ I was in Mexico for a conference and a beautiful Argentinian model approached me. How could I say no? We had a night of five hours of epic s*x. It was a magical night of chance and opportunity. I ended up telling my boyfriend what happened and we decided to stay together. But, sadly, that was not the end of me and model. We met up a few more times when I was back in Mexico.” — Meghan, 30
we became more like roommates
“I had been dating a guy for seven years. We were living together for three years. After awhile, we became more like roommates. We were still best friends, but we hadn’t had s*x for months. There were also a variety of issues we weren’t talking about. I wanted to move somewhere new and exciting, and he wanted to stay close to home to be with his family. I was never super interested in marriage, either, and it was important to him. Eventually I found myself being attracted to a coworker and one night at happy hour, we made out in a booth at the bar. We also went out to dinner a few times and had hours-long texting sessions. We never had s*x, but it felt as bad as if we did. My boyfriend and I broke up, but he never found out.” — Margaret, 29
my boyfriend could not handle his alcohol
“My boyfriend could not handle his alcohol. He would be incredibly rude to me when he was drunk. He’d always apologize the next day, but nothing ever really changed. I eventually got fed up and one night I was out at a bar and a very successulf man was super complimentary of me. He owned companies all over South America and Europe. He was a little arrogant, but handsome, and knew how to get exactly what he wanted. I knew what his end game was. He didn’t really care about me, but it was nice to be spoken to in a way that wasn’t demeaning. I didn’t have s*x with him, but I did let him take me back to his apartment where we did everything but intercourse. I told my boyfriend and our relationship basically unraveled from there.” — Jessica, 36
this wasn’t the relationship I wanted
“I was dating someone for two years. We were young, 24 or 25, but it was one of those serious relationships where we’d either have to get married or break up. I wasn’t sure I was ready for either, so I asked if we could try opening up the relationship for a little bit, just to see if we were really meant to be. Of course, hindsight that showed me that was my gut telling me that this wasn’t the relationship I wanted. Typically with our arrangement what I did wouldn’t be considered cheating, except for the fact that I slept with his best friend.” — Dana, 28
my suspicions were confirmed
“I was living with my boyfriend for about a year. It was good, for the most part, but we would have epic fights. I also was highly mistrustful of him. I was convinced he was cheating on me, and every time I asked him it would explode into a marathon argument. Eventually, one day, I snooped on his phone and my suspicions were confirmed. I was never able to prove if he actually slept with another woman, but there were enough unclad pictures of other women on there to make me not even really care. I downloaded Tinder that afternoon and was hooking up that night.” — Katie, 33
I was tired of always carrying the load
“I was married for 25 years. About 18 years into my marriage I was so unhappy. I was the sole breadwinner. My husband was very passive aggressive and expected me to do a lot of the ‘bad cop’ duties with the kids. I started feeling fed up and tired of always being the villian. I was tired of always carrying the load—paying the college tuition, paying the credit card bills, working ridiculous hours. And no amount of talking ever changed anything. It erupted into vicious fights. Eventually I had enough. One business trip I met a man at an airport bar and banged him in the bathroom. I got divorced seven years later, but for the aforementioned reasons. Not my airport rendezvous.” — Leann, 59